How do you deal with losing someone?
That’s a question I’ve thought about for a long time. I’ve lost a considerable amount of people in my life, ranging from actual death to simply drifting apart, just as many people have. For as often as it happens, I would think I’d be at least somewhat used to it by now. I’m not.
Two posts ago, I mentioned that I went to the concert with one of my best friends. Well, it turns out that the experience didn’t just spark my dreams, it set hers on fire too. It was only about a month or so after the concert that she called me and said she was taking the next plane out to Seattle. The concert was in October and she left in January.
Cue cheesiness: that girl is my best friend. We have a connection like no other connection I’ve had with a human being. I call her my soul friend (kind of like soulmate, except without the love part). It’s not easy trying to conceal how sad I get sometimes. We used to do the craziest, most ridiculous things. I miss it so much. I miss when we would go buy kids’ shirts at Walmart and wear them because they had Transformers on them. I miss talking like Dr. Evil. I miss the time we spent in Disney together. I miss the spiritual bond we had (we still have that, but conversations are just so different over the phone…). I miss the endless conversations that only paused because we fell asleep. I miss conversations in my living room by the Christmas tree.
It’s funny how such simple things which hold little significance suddenly become the most important things in your life after you’ve experienced them with someone you love. Some days it’s hard to walk past the living room and not imagine the two ghosts of us talking, laughing, crying, listening to music, and singing. Sometimes I don’t like to be reminded of her because, even though it starts out warm and nostalgic, it quickly turns into that weighted-stomach feeling.
How do you get over that? We are on opposite ends of the country. Who knows when we will see each other again. I’m so afraid of drifting apart. It’s been 7 months since she left, and I can only imagine the next 7 are going to go just as quickly.
People are hard to forget, I think. They come into our lives, change everything, then leave, and we are left holding the beautiful masterpiece of friendship they helped us paint. Do you hang that painting in the hallway and remember it with the first warm, then weighted-stomach feeling, or do you hide it in the storage room until you need to be reminded that whatever once was, really once was?
I really think only she understands a certain part of me. Do you have one person who you can talk to like no one else? A person who turns every day around for the better? A person who makes you smile no matter what? When that person is taken away, your whole life changes. I’m sure some of you know what I mean.
We’ll be okay. We’re on a crazy journey together, yet separate. We’ll never be anything but best friends. I just wish distance didn’t have to be so greedy.